Okay, maybe its your 23rd time watching Darcy kiss Bridget Jones in the snow or your 38th time witnessing a pink shirted, Mr. Thacker admit he’d been a “daft prick” in front of a roomful of paparazzi…and your desperately searching for more.
A year ago, I wrote my first article on reviewing the best/worst rom-coms. * Levitt Reviews Rom Coms .Well, I’ve decided its high time to compile another, second batch of films to get your Rom Com juices flowing once again. Its a mixed bag. Some bad some excruciating. But, if your attention spans permit, I promise a few laughs along the way and a hey, maybe if you hang in there, you might find that your true love for this article was there all along 🙂
Forgetting Sarah marshall. (B-)
This movie should have been called, forgetting Jason Segel because, with his pathetic sad sack personna , Segel proves easily the least interesting character in the whole movie and perhaps the most boringly morose character ever committed to film. Glumly drifting from scene to scene, he says his lines with lazy half-smirk, like the dosage for his anti-depressive meds was always just a little off. Compared to him, Kristen Bell, Paul Rudd, and Jonah Hill seem to bounce of the screen and turn in their most winning performances to date. In fact Segel was so charisma-less, that,throughout the film, I actually found myself admiring and rooting for the hedonistic foil, Russel Brand (Aldous Snow), to run off and live happily with both Sarah Marshall (kristen Bell) and Mika Kunis. The other major problem I had with the film was, Why all the frontal nudity? In Segel’s self written script, he he kept opting to show his penis in scenes where his character felt particularly vulnerable. I don’t know if Segel ‘s nudity was some form of self-flagellation to punish himself for some past sin or maybe he wanted to show how he could truly sacrifice and get truly “naked” for his craft. Perhaps, all things considered, maybe he just wanted to immortalize his manhood for film posterity. In any event, I wished dude had the sense to censor himself and had kindly put his gun back in it’s holster.
P.S. one Muppet-like musicalized version of Dracula is one too many for me!
You’ve Got Mail.(C) or you’ve got 2/12 hours to kill.
You’ve Got mail hearkens back to a simpler time when owning a book store actually meant you had a chance to turn a profit. In the films Tom Hanks portrays a kind of driven, “ruthless” book store executive. How are book store executives ruthless? Kind of like saying he was a Tough-as- Nails Disney Store Greeter.
This film annoyed me right out of the gate because I came into the thing knowing that if you’ve got Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in a film together, we know their getting together. So, we have to just hang out for about two hours and watch Hanks and Ryan pretend they don’t get along only for a mere thirty seconds or so of kissy-face at the end.
You’ve Got Mail also contains Tom Hanks’ most pansy performance to date. In scene after scene, Meg Ryan’s character unloads some lame-ass put down like calling Hanks a “Suit” or accuse him of being profit driven (really, someone in business profit-driven, the shame!) Hanks meekly responds to Ryan; slinking away hurt and licking his wounds like some sensitive six year old (MWAAAH, you said mean things to me!!!). By the end of the film, I’m confident that most women in the audience were silently hoping that Hanks would just man up and grow a pair.
P.S: Please Note: chatting online back and forth online is not cinematically compelling. If Hanks and Ryan decide to do a film where their just texting each other or swapping emojis, definitely count me out
Shallow Hal (C)- Hands Off The Girl In The Fat-Suit. She’s mine!
How Did they pitch this one to producers? How About Jack Black as a romantic lead? Sure he’s physically un-appealing but, get this, he’s also shallow! Ladies You’re gonna love him!
This film’s premise is beyond loopy. Tim Robbins motivational speaking skills gives a shallow lug, Hal, High Powered beer goggles to the 100th power. Hal is put under the spell of thinking women with inner beauty have outer beauty too. Apparently, women who are both beautiful on the inside and out just don’t exist in this one dimensional rom-com world.
Finally, by the end of the film, Hal’s girlfriend Rosemary (formerly a svelte Gwynneth Paltrow is revealed as really a bloated paltrow in a fat suit). Hal claims that he finds the new Rosemary “beautiful” but unlike Rosemary -when offered any type of food- I just find this concept too difficult to swallow. Simply stated, one’s vision of beauty cannot do a complete 180 degree turnin a matter of moments.
(Ditch The House Swap guys, you’re better off with a stay-cation)
Jack Black once again rears his ugly head as a Romantic Lead. Let the swooning commence!. Couple 1 (perps) Kate Winslett and Jack Black. I never thought I’d be writing the same actors names in the same line much less describing them in a love affair. The odds of these two being paired up on a dating website much less finding love together must be astronomical . If Kate Winslett ever had the misfortune to meet Jack black socially, she would probably resort to alerting security and having him bodily removed. If Jack Black ran into Kate Winslett, her unnasailable class would probably inspire him to quickly down a hard drink and retreat quickly into the bathroom. Compared to Jack Black, Kate Winslett and Eli Wallach share considerably more chemistry onscreen. Age difference and age-related memory loss aside, I think the odds were more in favor of this generation-challenged duo ending up in bed together than seeing Winslett and black swap tongues.
Couple 2 (perps): Jude law and Cameron Diaz, though not as hideously inappropriate a couple as Winslett-Black, also seem to be working too hard against their public personas (Jude Law as flagrant, nanny abusing man-hoar) and Cameron Diaz ( one of the highest paid celebs in the world) that, although both might take a tumble together if drunk enough, I found it hard to buy into the long term constancy of their love.
P.S. With the possibility of loss of security, theft, even threat of bed bugs you would think their would be a stronger vetting process for two women looking to swap houses in different continents. Despite the exotic locales or ritzy accommodations, I don’t think one email or phone call would be reassuring enough to me to change hemispheres.
Avoid: Bridget Jones Sequels- Frankly, I’d rather see a “Titpervert” Prequel!
Avoid any rom coms starring any actress whose first name starts with Z . Zosia Mamet (The Boy Downstairs-boring and awful) and Zoe Kazan (“Why If”-What if you did virtually anything else than watch this) . Please Note: I haven’t seen The Big Sick Yet (in case its good)
The Proposal and Definitely Maybe. Ryan Reynolds is equally bland in both. I liked definitely Maybe better because of Isla Fishers winning performance.
Her- Man falls in love with his device. Hey, Join the club!!! A Self indulgent Joaquin Phoenix and an audio-only Scarlett Johanssen. Just the gift nobody wanted.